Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
