Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
