when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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