so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
