I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
