Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
