I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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