if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
