He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
