I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They took my balls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
