dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He better not be in your backpack
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
