i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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