Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
