I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
