Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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