I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
