I hate your face
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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