just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
