I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
someone owes me an orgasm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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