I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i came on her dog
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
