I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
