My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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