Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
