I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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