i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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