tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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