So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
