he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
