Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
