Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
