I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
