Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
