I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
North Korea, Best Korea!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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