Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
