I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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