The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize