i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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