why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i out mim tonsoeep
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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