Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
