Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
