I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
