she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
