I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
