No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
