Whod you bang
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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