Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
