Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
