FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
