You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
