i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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