party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
