she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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