You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
