I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
