Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
