I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
