eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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