is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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