I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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