my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
