I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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