I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
