I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
