Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
