somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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