I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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