this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
