I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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