So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
