Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
