May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
