she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
