Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
