I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
