Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
