we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
