she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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